Image via TED Talk, How Masculinity is Evolving
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Last summer, I reached a peak in my interest in the precedents and context behind the patriarchal repercussions I was witnessing. Between violent news about femicides, mass shootings, and the domestic violence cases I would sit in on in court, I found myself spiraling, trying to understand where it all started and what could actually be done. At the same time, I would think back to high school and even now in college, noticing the same patterns in social interactions, how normalized sexual pressure is, how common it is for women to have experienced harassment or assault, and the growing conversation around a “male loneliness epidemic.” These things are not usually grouped together, but I believe they are all symptoms of a larger issue.
In my search to better understand these patterns, I interviewed José Lázaro, a master’s-level psychology student, who had gained attention on social media for his discussions on machismo, gender dynamics, and domestic violence. His perspective stood out because it did not reinforce rigid ideas of masculinity. Instead, he described masculinity as something that has to be questioned and relearned, not as a single standard to live up to, but as a way to understand themselves outside of patriarchal expectations that affect not only women, but other men and themselves. This suggested that change might come from within, rather than from the outside.
Before examining how masculinity is formed, it is important to define it. Even its most basic definitions reflect its constructed nature. Merriam-Webster defines masculinity as qualities traditionally associated with men, which already suggests that it is based on social expectations rather than fixed traits. Research on masculinity similarly describes it as a social construct shaped by norms that emphasize dominance, control, and emotional restraint. Taken together, these definitions reveal how masculinity clearly reinforces hierarchy, both over women and among men themselves.
Masculinity is not just something boys learn; it is something they are expected to perform. From an early age, boys are often taught masculinity more through what they should reject than what they should embody, especially anything associated with femininity. This is not always explicitly taught at home, but it shows up in what generally gets rewarded and what gets shut down. A lot of this is reinforced in male friendships, especially during adolescence, where acceptance often depends on fitting into a certain version of masculinity. Being vulnerable or unsure risks exclusion, while control, status, hyper-sexuality, detachment, and dominance are what get validated. Over time, masculinity becomes something that has to be constantly proven to other men.
In his TED Talk Why I’m Done Trying to Be “Man Enough,” actor Justin Baldoni provides a personal example of what masculinity has looked like for him, from boyhood into manhood. He describes growing up with a father who encouraged vulnerability and emotional expression, but who did not embody more traditional forms of masculinity, like physical toughness or working with his hands. Because of that, Baldoni recalls feeling out of place in his hometown and even resenting his father for this at the time. It was not until his 30s that he began to recognize the value in what he had been taught, showing how long it can take to question and relearn masculinity on an individual level within the current system.
Baldoni’s experience demonstrates that the issue is not simply the absence of healthier models, but how society reacts to characteristics that deviate from “traditional” masculinity. Even when boys are taught that vulnerability is acceptable, other environments, like school or friendships, often reinforce the opposite. As Baldoni also points out, men are often able to form friendships and bond, but those conversations rarely extend to insecurity, fear, or sadness. In that sense, developing a healthier understanding of masculinity becomes a longer, more personal process, one that often requires unlearning what has been reinforced over time.
In the absence of tools to process these expectations, many young men turn to online spaces to make sense of their experiences. One of those spaces is incel culture, which developed in online forums like 4chan and Reddit.
The term “involuntary celibate” was originally coined by a woman to describe people, regardless of gender, who felt lonely or struggled to form relationships. It was meant to be a space for connection and understanding. But that meaning did not hold. Over time, frustrated men took over, dominated, and turned these spaces into communities where isolation became something to explain through hierarchy, entitlement, and blame.
The ideas circulating in these spaces do not remain confined to the Internet. Over time, they begin to translate into the real world, producing real consequences. Cases like Elliot Rodger, who carried out a mass killing fueled by resentment toward women, and was later idolized in incel spaces and venerated as “The Supreme Gentleman” and “Incel Hero.” Incidents like the Nautica Malone case, where the subject approached a drive-thru engaging in alleged explicit behavior, quickly circulated online and ended in tragedy. What stands out is not only the event itself, but how quickly it was absorbed into incel culture. Now, a group of men gather yearly to commemorate his death and have turned him into a symbol of a porn and sex-addicted subculture, doing so without his or the family’s consent. Often, cases like these are treated as isolated or sensational moments, and not as glaring red flags towards a bigger issue. However, the way they are received matters, because in some online spaces, these actions are not only normalized but turned into content, joked about, and even admired.
Similar patterns are now appearing in more mainstream and accessible forms, especially through social media. We have seen this shift over time, from earlier figures like Andrew Tate to more recent ones like Clavicular, also known as Braden Peters, a social media personality who has built a following through livestreaming and content centered around “looksmaxxing.”
As noted by The Guardian, many young men already struggle to openly express insecurity about their appearance. Instead of creating space to understand those feelings, platforms now offer ways to “solve” them. Trends like looksmaxxing take something that is usually very private—discomfort with one’s own appearance—and turn it into something public, competitive, and measurable. Boys are shown, often through algorithms, how to change themselves to reach a certain standard, sometimes through extreme or harmful methods.
This process is not necessarily about attracting women, but about meeting certain standards and being validated within male spaces. As critics have pointed out, it often functions more as a way of signaling masculinity to other men. At the same time, part of what makes figures like Clavicular appealing is that they acknowledge feelings that are otherwise ignored. There is recognition there, but it comes with the reinforcement of comparison and pressure.
This broader shift reflects a clear lack of intentional parenting and education, something that is now being replaced by whatever is trending on the internet. Younger Gen Z and Gen Alpha boys are learning how to become men from social media personalities instead of healthy role models, not Batman, not Superman, but real, honest examples of secure and respectful men, or even family members who have done the work to confront and unlearn their own internalized patriarchy. These patterns have real consequences not only online, but in how young men understand themselves and others. When I first started thinking about these patterns, I was trying to understand where they came from, looking at the violence I was seeing, domestic violence cases in court, mass shootings, and the everyday experiences so many women talk about. What becomes clear is that these are not isolated cases. They stem from a long-unattended patriarchy, now intensified and globalized through social media. And because of that, changing it cannot fall only on women or feminist movements; it requires men to recognize these patterns within themselves and actively dismantle the patriarchy from within.
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This article was edited by Fatimah Waqas and Lauren Fattorusso.
Anne Eslick-Persyn 
Sophia Kiosses 
Vivian Welch